Who are you to someone? Why are you what you are to them? Why aren't you what you want to be to them? What makes you friends with someone? How do you know when you aren't just friends? While I'm on this inner-being, man vs. man, self-realization kick...I thought I'd step beyond Freudian theories and dabble into something a little more pertinant to my mantra.
What makes a perfect love? Well, not perfect obviously as nothing is as good without a couple of scratches but as close to "new leather smell" as possible? While I'm not a student of psychology, years ago I came across something that stuck with me. Its called the "Triangular Theory of Love."
Developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, the theory isn't just about a consumate love relationship. It gave me a better understanding of the various interpersonal relationships I have, why they are what they are and exactly what we must develop or renig in order to change their status from one thing to another.
Passion, Compassion and Intimacy.
If you have all three -- call it a day, hang up your hat and give thanks to the Almighty. Oh and don't screw it up. It probably won't happen again.
Passion - Is for the freaks. Most people who only have this hang out in clubs. Until closing time...if ya get my drift. This is the easiest to obtain and probably the very first element in making your triangle of love take shape.
Compassion - otherwise referred to as Commitment. Convenience-based/"don't know if you can find any better"/empty love. This is when you stop tasting your food and your sugar-free lemonade no longer has that certain zing it once did.
Intimacy - the key element of friendship..strong bonds, people who know you inside and out will encompass this.
So to explain it in the simplest way:
1. Parents and children have a bilateral relationship of intimacy and compassion (commitment.)
2. Friend have the 1-tiered element of intimacy. Not intimacy in the "touch me" kind of way (that's passion remember)..but intimacy in the "you know what my chunky parts are and you'll tell me how to hide them and oh, by the way...here's my secret kulfi recipe and I'll share it with you because we're BFFs."
3. Being IN LOVE. This just requires passion. Sure its pure and strong and exciting...but its not forever. So don't go photo-shopping hybrid pics of your future kids together.
4. True Love. How hokey huh? Its like the stuff that brand-manages the entire Disney Theme Park chain. Poisoned apples and dueling stepsisters and triangles that end in triumphs for the one that could never be forgotten. It takes Passion, Commitment and Intimacy to make it to the finish line.
The point here isn't a tutorial on psychology or an explanation of the secret to happiness because I don't have it. I just know everytime someone asks me what I'm looking for I'm not going to reply with the usual "tall, educated, funny, opens doors, speaks urdu, ridiculously good looking, isn't a scrub, make me laugh. Alot." Instead of the aforementioned list I'm just going to give them the URL to this blog. Passion, Compassion and Intimacy...where are you?
