Things I Saw in London Today

I worked on a Sunday folks (tolja it's not glamorous!) and ran back to the hotel to escape the monstrosities of the office...so dreadfully dreary without a soul in sight! I've made BFFs with the weekend guard Ivan or as he likes it pronounced "Eeeeeevaaaahn." Heard about the Yankees parade from a friend and am totally jealous that I wasn't there to run around in my Yankees dress and celebrate--grrr!
Had dinner plans with a coworker and almost cancelled because it was all of 28 degrees outside and POURING raining!! The kind of rain that you envision yourself getting washed away and catching a cold from! The kind of night where all you want to do is change into your pajamas and get cozy underneath your white warm goose-down comforter and drown your headache away in a sea of pillows...but no...I reluctantly squeezed into skinny jeans (because I'm not skinny enough to slink 'em on after all these carbs I've been putting down), put on my winter coat and winter flat suede boots and realized...I don't have an umbrella. No way I was gonna brave the rain without one so I kindly asked the hotel concierge to lend me one. He obliged ever so politely and told me that there would be a small teensy fee of $60 held on my hotel charge until I brought it back!!!!!! I awaited the umbrella that I expected to be encrusted in black diamonds and rubies that maybe Michael Jackson had once touched for that price (it was a plain grey one that I think I saw at a Dollar Store once!)
I saw many many things this night including the following I must tell ya'll about:
1. 12 homosexual couples freely being homolicious. 457 heterosexual couples being freely heterolicious. Blech to both. Holding hands is for the weak!
2. A woman rolling a joint of ganja right in front of my face after which I could have sworn I got a contact high from because I immediately craved chocolate afterwards..but then again I always crave chocolate so there's no telling about that one
3. Sting in Covent Garden at the Nike store...you would think he could shop online on a day like this! He's grown a Moses beard and wears woolen sweaters now...very un "Police"-like.
4. Katy Perry on every channel on TV apparently becoming the hottest new thing...love her...so quirky..so funny...so reeeeeeeeal!
5. NOBODY wearing the same elbow-length winter gloves I have yet...yes!!! Finally -- something original!
6. Black people talking like uptight British white people.."cheerio Love" and "right then daaahhling" and all! Indians talking like uptight Brits. Arabs talking like uptight Brits...what a monstrosity!!
7. Went to a restaurant called Wasabi. You choose your own individual pieces of sushi!!!! Never again will I have to suffer through those unwanted "Avacado rolls" or "eel ngiri" fillers! Whoo-whoo!
8. Every single police officer in the busiest city in the world going out of their way to be uber nice to the citizens of London....AMAZING!!!!!
Until tomorrow folks...alf vedersein.

Ugly Duckling

Along with my usual "World's Best" french toast this morning, I went a little wild and ordered a second breakfast of steak and eggs. And not the grimy germs on the table, dirty knives IHOP kind either. Sizzling, searing hot fillet cooked perfectly with two steaming warm round poached eggs. MMMmmm...breakfast of champions. I stepped outside onto the stone pathway and walked to the Jubilee station to get to my facial appointment. Silver metal escalators, steel doors, grey floors and hospital clean stations full of a sea of people shuffling past one another as windy gusts chill your bones.
I skip to the facial experience where I entered a palace of aromatherapy filled scents, toned down tribal beats and lavendar shaded lights in each room. I closed my eyes and layed on the padded massage table awaiting my de-ugly-fying experience. Layer after layer, I envisioned the dull, dry and tired being exfoliated away. I fell asleep at some point and was shocked away by the extractor tearing into my nose as I screamed with horror. Being a girl ain't easy...
After the pain subsided and a couple of more layers of random rose-smelling creams, I left the salon shiny but afraid that the city smog would somehow seep back into my pores and turn me back into a duckling. I rushed back to hotel keeping my head down and covering my face with my new elbow-length winter gloves. That's right...my sparkly grey elbow-length winter gloves. Nobody has them yet. But I'm sure they will by...hmm...2012! Pictures to come soon!
Back at the hotel and safely no longer being blown-away by the spine-numbing chill outside...I catch up on an episode of "The City" and learn what a "Frenemy": a friend who by face-value is fun to hang out with and tends to smile all the time, but underneath the onion-like layers is your biggest enemy. Allah ka shukar (thank God!) I don't have any frenemies...but wow...how perfect of a term...the new "BFF!" Now its time for me to give my undivided attention to the choc-chip biscotti and tiramisu cheesecake that I just arrived, I wonder what craziness will happen tomorrow!

I traveled the world for French Toast

I arrived in London this morning, grey, dismal, drear and as Edgar Alan Poe-ish as ever. The flight was unbearably horrible and after my years of traveling for work, this flight may be the one that makes me want to switch to “BAU.” Aside from the abundant nose-blowing and coughing and sneezing, I was crammed in a space the size of my smallest pair of flat shoes box as all of the upgrades were sold out. Bah humbug. My only solace came when I sat at the breakfast table of the Marriott West India Quay. I could barely wait for the arrival of the crispy yet gooey golden, syrupy, berry decorated goodness of my beloved French toast. Not just any French toast mind you – my $31.50 french toast that only comes from this particular hotel and no other in the whole entire world! This French toast is the truth. Oh sure, I’ve been to other Marriotts…they have French toast on the menu called “texas French toast” or “crunchy French toast” but those are just cover-ups. I admit it. I’m spoiled. I can’t have frozen French toast or NY diner French toast or IHOP anymore. I’ll travel the world and sit in wooden box and get coughed on my total strangers for 8 hours straight for it.