QNQ007

I think I should start a business: "QNQ007." I swear I never go looking for this stuff. I can't make this stuff up. I just walk into people needing my help. And for the life of me...I don't know what it is. Maybe its my thirst for philanthropy or the fact that I know Allah has a deeper purpose than the norm for me..but I've come to appreciate the fireballs that get thrown my way. No worries..I'm on it.

Today's blog is spawned by the appalling acts of desi men. Or rather, men in general because I'll be marrying a desi one day and I should probably stop being a hater. But dude, you'll understand. So I needed a favor from a girl on Naseeb (which by the way apparently does NOT have ANY entrance criteria...Allah maaf kare..but damn..the stories I could tell..oh wait..lol..I already do. =)

Ok, so I needed a girl-favor and started randomly IMing some desi muslim girls...I didn't know these chicks, but I have no qualms...the more girlfriends..the better! Anyway, as I'm asking for my favor from one girl...she, in return, asks me if I knew this guy she was talking to (happens to live near me) who told her he was divorced and then upon talking to him further, reveals that he is ACTUALLY only "Islamically divorced." Then he proceeded to tell her that he is madly in love with her (cringe.) and...I know..I know...roll eyes...exhale deeply..red flag to homegirl right? But you know how girls get...and sometimes guys tell them those sweet lines....and while MaddieQ would totally bust his ass for trying to spin me like that, not all sisters are as mean as me. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't always this ruthless. No. That's a lie. I have always been this ruthless, but I've done my share of dumb things in life and I realize that I should have just kneed the guy in his left testicle instead. But you know..hindsight is 20/20...in the end all that matters is that Allah always saves me from making atrocious mistakes and so I feel that I must pass on my somewhat acute sense of people-reading skills.

Anywho....being the stunna-girlfriend that I am, I broke it down for her. I think my exact statement was "WTF is an Islamic divorce and if he can do it Islamically...whyTF isn't hombre getting it done legally as well?" Well...a girl is a girl is a girl so she asked me to help her get proof (if you're a girl reading this...make sure you're triple-checking your douchebag list). So I agreed and told her to give her proof, I'd drop a casual "salaam," "sup shawty," etc. in order to..you know..make sure he's as honest as he appears to be. (cough..bs..cough)
The abridged version of this story is about as long as the actual because it took less than 24 hours for "unsaid dude" to tell me the following:
1. he would have stopped getting on the same website if he hadn't seen my message.
2. he can't wait to talk to me real-time (eek)
3. he's divorced (um, no you're not...)
4. that its been an ordeal to find the "one" on the website (but...i thought were in love with my homegirl?)
5. a myriad of other fabulous tales I won't even bother adding

I put on my red cape and of course copied and pasted everything straight to her even though I haven't even met the girl but feel its my duty to make sure she verbally b-slaps him next time they talk. I gracefully exited the situation and made sure I was always respectful...(I don't do the punishing, just the exposé.) Personally, I'm not suprised and if you're desi..you probably didn't even raise an eyebrow either. Well, while my sister from another mister will be a little heartbroken, at least she won't end up marrying someone who's practically living a double life! Plus, she can spend her time doing more important things...like kickboxing.

Dude better bring the sunblock, cuz he's totally going to hell.

*Brought to you by the life-saving services of MaddieQ. If you or someone you know needs 007 skills, holler. XOXO