I showed my 28th Row condo today and boy was it a nightmare. Not the condo. The condo is absolutley fabulous mashallah se. Amazing...you'd love it. 10 ft ceiling.. 8 ft doors, custom granite, 7 inch baseboards, cast iron tubs, porcelain tiles, soundproof insulation, stainless steels, washer, dryer, fridge AND an LCD!
No, the nightmare are the people who keep calling to try and rent it. For example, the people who asked to see it today...a lady of gentle nature but a croaky voice and an abscent-minded personality who walked in and dropped Marlboro lights out of her purse giving me visions of a smoke-infested property upon her departure. She brought her kid who, due to being part of a sadly broken home, had no manners and refused to stop dancing and slamming my newly painted 8 foot doors in each room. The daughter is undoubtable cute but the hellish part started when the mother started neglicting that she was there to see a place to live with her child and instead proceeded to join the child in the dancing in one of the bedrooms. Not just "let me entertain my child so she'll be quiet swaying of the hips dancing." Full-on, whirling about, staring at the ceiling fan, arms out mother and daughter dancing during a showing appointment. If I could have made a video, I would have. A-trocious.
She also brought her father, a sharp-shooting Southern gentlemen who remained chewing on the same oddly thin piece of plastic for the entire HOUR they were there just seeing the rental. I think he left his Skoals Wintergreen in the car. The second part of the debaucle started when the father started questioning each object in MY condo like HE was about to put down a $20K payment to BUY the place! Smart-alek smirks through the rooms and when he kept questioning how much bigger one bedroom was then the other and I told him the difference was 6 whole inches, he shouts "I knew it! I could see it from a mile away!" Really sir? A mile away? 6 inches of air space you could see? That's lovely.
And then just when I didn't think anything else crazy could happen, oh it did. Fo sho. As I explained that I required a fully refundable deposit upon accepted application, I heard a tinkling in the almost finished bathroom that I knew had no toilet paper. Oh yes, yes the little girl did. She peed in my bathroom. My new bathroom that hasn't been fully sanded down yet. And no, there was no toilet paper so yes, yes she drip dried all the way into the bedroom. Best tenants ever already!
Then, I get to asking the lady's occupation and I get a story about alimony from a former husband that makes her ends meet. Say whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Oye. My head hurts.
While the father gave me the evil eye to make sure I bought a matching stainless steel fridge, the daughter threw Holiday sprinkle (yes, I said SPINKLES) oreos all over my new stained concrete floor and the lady told me about her separated relationship, I realized...I have GOT to start screening better.
So I get back home and I get yet another phone call about the condo and this time its "Lamar" who keeps giggling and says..."uh...I don't know where this is (its in the ad)...let me get a pen so you can tell me how to get there (heard of googlemaps?)" But Lamar, the address is in the ad. Twice. Lamar why are you giggling? Lamar why do you just go silent and talk to others in the background when you are asking me for information. Sorry Lamar, I think I'm just going to tell you its no longer available before you come through with a little one and a mamma and drags me through an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm Part 2.
Oh jeez...NEXT! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT!
No comments:
Post a Comment